


Ride or Die

by Bellarke_madi



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, Domestic Fluff, Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Feels, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Like extreme Slow Burn, Love, Minor Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Mutual Pining, POV Bellamy Blake, POV Clarke Griffin, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, you’ve been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:15:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellarke_madi/pseuds/Bellarke_madi
Summary: Clarke meets her best friend, Octavia at 7 years old and her older Bellamy Blake. Even at 12 he seemed so much more knowledgeable than she was.He was there for her a year later when her dad died and every big event afterwards. Somewhere along the way they became a family. When her mom kicks her out at 18 for a mistake, she turns to the only person she truly trusts, Bellamy Blake.This is fluffy mixed in with angst. Updates every Wednesday. (4500 to 6000 word chapters)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin/John Murphy
Comments: 24
Kudos: 44





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone.
> 
> This is probably one of the fluffiest fics I’ve ever written. My plan is to update every Wednesday. 
> 
> This is of course a Bellarke fic but it is definitely slow burn so don’t expect them right away. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of chapter 1 and see you next Wednesday ❤️
> 
> Mood board for story/chapter 1 = https://bellarkelover.tumblr.com/post/643395720560427008/ride-or-die-chapter-1-bellarkemadi-the-100

Chapter 1- _**Memories**_

  
She liked knowing she was the centre of everyone's lives. She was her mother's everything. Clarke liked having the whole world revolve around her. She got breakfast in bed; her mother would read her stories when she refused to wake up. Her dad would help her get dressed if she didn't want to. She was loved and she knew it, but 7-year-old Clarke thought everyone was loved. 

Her teachers muttered behind her back, in fact everyone talked behind her back, never to her face though. Nope to her face no one was anything but nice. She knew mom was important, her dad even more important but that had never affected Clarke before not that she realised anyway. She heard people calling her privileged, which God knows what that meant. When she asked her mom, she said it meant rich. She wanted to tell the teacher she definitely was not rich, she had £3 in her money box. She had spent the other £2 of it on a magazine. She didn't want people to be ill informed because Clarke hated not knowing things, she wanted to learn everything. 

What she had no interest in doing was going out to play. The kids didn't like her, they never wanted to play with her, she'd rather do some art. But the teachers said she had to socialise, go and interact with others. When all she wanted to do was draw. 

That's why she was sitting against the fence with the broken bits of chalk trying to draw the sky. She was too focused on her drawing to really take into account where the other kids were and really, she didn't care not until she heard a scream. 

Glancing up she saw one of the boys in the class above her, Dax she thought shoving a young girl over. She fell to her knees, looking like she was about to cry. The girl had long black hair, it was more silky then any hair she'd seen in her life, a red ribbon was tied around it, which Dax yanked. As she got closer, abandoning her chalk on the floor she could hear what he was saying,

"Your scum. You don't belong in a school like this, God your so dirty have you never heard of a bath" he said as he gripped the ribbon tighter, yanking it out her hair. 

"No please don't take it" The girl cried trying to grab back the long red rope of ribbon, but Dax pushed her over again. 

"Leave her alone." 

Clarke pushed the boy back, he seemed startled that someone had stood up to him and all Clarke could think of was, good because he was so mean. The girl was openly crying now holding her knee in pain. 

"Go away Clarke" he shouted as he tried to push past her to get to the girl. 

"No, you go away." 

Clarke pushed into the side of him, he stumbled back glaring at the two of them before eventually turning and leaving much to the young girl’s despair with her ribbon. Clarke turned around to her reaching out her hand and helped pull the girl to standing. 

"Thank you for saving me," the girl whimpered trying to stop her tears wiping harshly at her face with her grubby hands. She could see Dax was right; she did look like she hadn't taken a bath in weeks. 

"I'm Clarke, what's your name?" 

Clarke gave the girl a small circle. 

"I'm Octavia" she replied standing up as tall as she can, Clarke thought maybe to try and make herself seem brave. Clarke grabbed her hand pulling her into the toilet and grabbing some paper towels running them under water. 

"I'm sorry about your ribbon" she told Octavia as she started gently rubbing the paper twirls over her face the grubbiness fading easily, once she was done, she could see how pretty Octavia was, she looked like a dolly. 

"Me too. My brother got it for me." 

She was still half in tears as Clarke started scrubbing her hands which were much dirtier than her face. 

"Maybe he can get you another" she suggested, when something broke her mommy always got her another the next day. Once her hands were clean, she looked her up and down. 

"He can't, we don't have any money, it was my birthday present." 

Clarke tensed when Octavia pulled her into a hug, tears still running down her cheeks. She was a bit confused why they didn't just ask their mom for more money, but she didn't want to upset Octavia anymore by asking. She thought back to her birthday her daddy had brought her a brand-new set of really nice pencils and paper, her mommy had brought her princess dolly's. It was a lot more than a ribbon but maybe Octavia really liked ribbons. 

"Why were you drawing all alone?" Octavia asked pulling away from Clarke to look up at her. 

"I don't have any friends," she replied, not sad particularly, she never really wanted friends, but she thinks maybe Octavia would be a good one. 

"Me neither" 

"Well now we can be friends" Clarke said slightly nervous she would reject her.

"Yes, best friends." 

Octavia grabbed Clarkes hand and pulled her back to the playground towards the deserted chalk. For the rest of lunch, they drew together, she found out Octavia didn't stop talking but she kind of liked it that way. She talked endlessly about doing her amazing big brother. Having a brother sounded so fun. Clarkes was going to ask for one as soon as she got home. 

"How old are you?" Clarke asked realising she didn't even know the age of her new best friend. 

"I'm 6, you're 7, right? You're in the class above me." 

Clarke nodded her head and was sad when lunch was over, normally she was excited to get back and learn but she'd much rather stay and talk to Octavia. 

"I'll see you tomorrow lunch" Octavia shouted before running to her class line. Her day got even better when her teacher Mrs Lane said they were doing art and crafts in the afternoon. 

Her teacher brought out all the crafts which is when she saw a silky long red ribbon just like Octavia had in her hair. She knew how sad O had been to lose her one, so she did something she'd never done before. She grabbed the scissors snipping a long bit off before stuffing it in her pocket. She knew it was stealing but she wanted to make Octavia smile again. She finished the rest of her art excited for tomorrow lunch when she could give her the surprise. 

  
  


~•~

  
  


She did ask her mom about having a brother to which she got a laugh, she tried to point out that wasn't an answer, but her mom made her take a bath. Damn baths.

She wondered if Octavia would have a bath tonight if not she would wipe her face and hands again tomorrow. She didn't want to ask about bathing; she knew it was rude. Her dad read her a story like he always did, they just started reading Harry Potter. She wondered what house. Her father would be a Gryffindor. She wasn’t sure which house her mom would be a bit of all of them. But Clarke, she didn’t seem to fit into any house. 

When she woke, she quickly got ready, excited for once to go to school. Her mother made Clarke her favourite breakfast and drove her to school telling her to be good, which was a bit stupid she was always good. 

"Yes mommy" she said rolling her eyes as she ran into school settled into doing some art before the bell rang.

As soon as the break started, she looked around finding Octavia instantly with a tub of chalk in her hand as she waved and smiled at Clarke. 

She ran over giving Octavia a hug, before she took the ribbon out of her coat pocket handing it over to her, 

"Got you something," she said with a grin at Octavia’s delighted face. She pulled Clarke back into a hug, 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you.'' 

Before anything else could happen, a boy older than both of them picked it out of her hand. She tensed herself ready for a fight. 

"Bell give it back, she gave it to me not you." 

She saw the change in his demeanour as soon as the boy heard Octavia’s voice. While he was defensive with Clarke, he suddenly relaxed a small smile on his face. 

"O, come on we talked about this" he said reaching out to tuck a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. She nodded sadly standing behind Bellamy and gave Clarke the fakest smile she'd ever seen, she looked like she was about to burst into tears. 

"We don't need your charity princess" he said, handing the ribbon back which honestly made Clarke mad. 

"Octavia who is this?" she asked stepping round him reaching her hand out for Octavia. 

"This is my brother." 

Clarke tried not to be shocked, because of course her brother went to their school she didn't know why she hadn't asked yesterday. Clarke didn't think he looked kind and caring like O had described him, he looked scary and big, very big. 

"We don't want your presents or anything else you want to buy us." 

He took a step closer to Clarke squaring up. 

"I didn't pay for it, I took it." Clarke said with a frown, Bellamy grinned back at her and that was a surprise. 

"The princess stole it?" 

Octavia took the ribbon out his hands tying it around her hair. 

"Yes" 

Clarke bowed her head down ashamed. She knew it was wrong to steal but she had anyway. He lightly pushed his shoulders into hers, 

"So, you are a badass." 

Finally, she looked up at him, he was so beautiful just like Octavia. They had the same olive coloured skin flushed with freckles that reminded her of the stars. His eyes were brown just like Octavius and his hair looked just as silky but rather than long and straight it was curly. 

Clarke smiled at him as Octavia grabbed her hand pulling her back to the chalk and they sat down to draw. Bellamy watched them for a couple of minutes before some of his friends made him go and play football. Octavia told her; he was 11 that was 4 nearly 5 years older than her. Clarke thought he was basically a grown up. He seemed to know everything. 

Within 3 weeks Octavia or Tavia as she called her now was her bestest friend in the whole world. Her and Bellamy weren't friends, but he did tolerate her which was better than nothing. 

When her mom told her, she could go on a sleepover the girl was beside herself with happiness. That's what you did with proper friends. Clarke mom had messaged O’s mom Aurora and it was all confirmed. 

Before school on Friday her mom made sure she knew so many phone numbers making her promise to call if she needed her. She felt so special taking two bags to school. At the end of the day Bellamy picked the girls up promising the teacher their Mom was in the car. But they walked straight past the car park.

"Where's your mommy?" she asked, and Bellamy shot his sister a pointed look. 

"We walk home because our mom's working," 

He walked quickly so the girls couldn't ask more questions. Clarke felt like she'd never walked so far in her entire life and she was exhausted by the time Tavia said they were close. 

Eventually they turned into a new neighbourhood. It was loud, dirty and small, her mother would never be seen dead in it. It didn't look safe, the houses looked deserted and broken but she didn't say anything, just grabbed Octavia’s hand and gave her a smile. 

Eventually Bellamy stopped outside one of the houses, it was weathered and broken, the windows cracked. Inside however was a different matter, they had clearly tried to make it comfortable. Octavia was besides herself with excitement running upstairs dragging Clarke with her up to her room. 

They played with her rag dolls until Bellamy called up that dinner was ready. Clarke had never had a brother, but he seemed to do all the things parents do. Once they had finished the pizza, O put on a movie and Bellamy flopped down next to her giving her a small smile. 

"You alright princess?" he asked with a smirk, she nodded her head wiggling to get to the opposite side of the sofa, never having sat that close to anyone, Bellamy laughed as she glared at him. 

"Yes" 

She replied as the door flew open and in stepped Octavia's mom. She looked kind and caring Clarke had thought, but so tired. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She smiled at Clarkes as she kissed her two children on the head before slipping up to bed. 

Eventually at the end of the film Bellamy told them, it was also time for them to go to bed. He tucked Octavia in kissing her forehead before he grinned at Clarke, 

"Night Princess" 

He gently shut the door. Once they heard the footsteps retreating O jumped out of bed running and tucking herself next to Clarke. 

  
  


~•~

  
  


Over the next couple of months Clarke and Octavia became inseparable, they hung out every day and Clarke would often go over to O’s house at the weekend. 

She never told her mom how little Aurora was around, or how Bellamy looked after them most of the time, because Clarke knew she wouldn't be allowed round and she liked it there. 

While her and Octavia were the best of friends, Bellamy never warmed to her. However, they weren't enemy's in fact when she was upset, she often went to Bellamy, he never made her talk about it but allowed her to draw with his special pencil he'd got for his birthday or would let her lie on his bed as he read out loud his newest library book, he once even let Clarke plait his hair only huffing when she pulled too hard. 

  
  


~•~

  
  


Her mom dropped her off at school, and she excitedly rushed out before her mom could follow, Octavia had promised to get to school early so they could play before school, sure enough Octavia had a box of chalk waving it at Clarke. 

Bellamy sat behind them reading another book on mythology. When she asked what he was reading he said it was about Gods and Goddesses. She was always sad when they had to go into class, but Octavia promised it wouldn't be for too long. 

Clarke didn't think much of it when the head teacher asked to speak to her, it happened often, not to her but to lots of other kids. 

"Clarke I'm so sorry, your dad was in an accident, your moms on the phone call." 

The head teacher said it so casually that it hardly phased her, the head teacher grabbed Clarke’s hand and led her into the office sitting her down on the plush chair before grabbing the phone and handing it over. 

"Mom?" 

Clarke was so afraid. 

"Clarke daddy was in a car crash, I'm sorry baby he didn't make it," 

"The doctors will make him better, mommy" she promised, the doctors always fixed everything that's why she was going to be a doctor, to save people. 

"No honey daddy died." 

Clarke had never felt such overwhelming pain before as she crumpled onto the chair sobbing, 

  
  


~•~

  
  
  


"Bellamy Blake, the head teacher needs to see you in her office" His teacher said, reading out the note she’d been given. He gathered his things and thought about what had possibly done now to get himself in trouble? Mrs Dioyza was waiting outside the office, which only made him more worried. 

"Clarke has had some bad news, no one can calm her down she's just screaming for you." 

She stepped aside so he could walk into the office where he could hear Clarke sobbing on the sofa. 

"Princess?" he asked, walking closer to her and finally she seemed to realise his presence. 

"Bellamy" 

There was so much pain in her voice. He sat down next to her, pulling Clarke into a hug as she sobbed. Bellamy must have held her for over an hour as she cried, Clarke had a death grip his top. She refused to leave him, even at the end of the day when her mom came to pick her up, she clung to him like he was a safety blanket, Bellamy wasn't too sure why him, but he'd do anything to help her, she looked like she was in so much pain.

"Clarke come on we have to go home" Abby snapped trying to pry her away as she screamed. 

"Don't leave me Bellamy please don't leave me." 

Her begging broke his heart, his hand still soothing her back. 11-year-old Bellamy just wanted to protect her.

"Clarke I will see you tomorrow, okay really soon." 

He tried to promise her, rubbing his hand down the side of her face cupping it gently. She snaked her hands around his neck burying her head against him. 

"Clarke come on" 

Abby kept on trying but in the end, she gave up and relented allowing Clarke to go home with Bellamy and Octavia. 

Once they got home, she curled up into the side of the sofa while Bellamy cooked dinner. She refused to talk and only ate about a mouthful of her food. After dinner Clarke let Octavia braid her hair, not even telling her off when she pulled too hard and then she collapsed against Bellamy as he gave her a hug. 

For the next 3 days he was so protective of her, he did everything for her and in return she refused to leave his side. If he looked back that would probably be the turning point, from then on Clarke stayed around nearly every other night, they became family. Clarke, Octavia and Bellamy against the world. 

  
  


~•~

  
  
  


When Bellamy was 14 it started to be uncool for him to hang out with Clarke who was 10 and Octavia, 9. However he still looked after them most evenings, 

"Girls the Pizza had been done for 15 minutes." 

They ran down the stairs as soon as they heard him shout. Bellamy's cooking really was the best after they finished eating; they watched a couple of movies before Bellamy made them go to sleep. 

When he was 15, he got his first girlfriend who Clarke hated and for some reason that mattered to him. 

When he was 17, he started getting hassle for the girls, boys started looking at them and it was too much to handle, the amount of fights he got in protecting them was a nightmare. Seriously he was in the principal's office like every other day. Clarke was 13 but she definitely looked older and beautiful too, objectively speaking Bellamy could see why so many people hit on her. 

  
  


~•~

  
  


He barely had a chance to say anything as Clarke ran in and up the stairs slamming the door of the bathroom shut. Octavia returned home a bit later, but she didn't know what was wrong with Clarke either, when an hour had passed, and Clarke still hadn't appeared he got worried and ventured upstairs. 

"Hey Princess, you okay?" 

"I'm fine" 

"I can tell you are not what’s up?" 

"I think I'm dying" she mumbled as she groaned out in pain. 

"Bellamy it hurts." 

In an instance he was getting the spare key unlocking the door and trying not to react as she wriggled in pain on the floor. 

"Hey where does it hurt?" 

he searched her eyes, grabbing his hand she moved it down to her stomach as she moaned out again in pain. He realised she had taken her leggings off seeing that they were coated in blood; it suddenly clicked she was having her first period. 

"You're okay Clarke." 

His voice was naturally soothing. He pulled her into a hug, however she yelped, pulling away and grabbing her boobs. 

"That hurt" she mumbled offended as he gave her a soft smile, 

"Yeah, they will be sensitive." 

He squeezed Clarkes hand gently before starting to run a bath. She was 13 and he was partially surprised that this was her first period, he knew she should probably call his mom or one of his girl friends but he wanted to be the one to look after her, he was 17 after all very mature and so nearly an adult. Anyway, he always liked to look after Clarke. 

"You're having a period Clarke," 

Bellamy sat down next to her, so they were against the bathtub, she whimpered in pain, her head falling down on his shoulder hiding her face in shame, 

"Hey it's alright, it's natural." 

Bellamy’s hand encased her much smaller one, his thumb rubbed small circles over her knuckles. 

"Has your mom talked about it?"

"I know the biological part of it, my mom explained it to me years ago, but she didn't say it hurts, or that I cry a lot, or that my boobs get really sore." 

Bellamy gave her a smile, that sounded like Abby, her parenting style was cold and detached, all very clinical.

"Most women feel pain, some feel a lot of pain and get medicine to help from the doctor, and mood swings are very natural." 

He gave her a small smile, once the bath was run he leant down kissing her forehead, "I'll get you some supplies from the shop, what do you want for dinner princess?“ 

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, she liked being his princess. 

"Brownies and ice cream" she mumbled back, and he gave her a laugh, 

"Just this once," 

Giving her hand one last squeeze before he pulled away, "I'll be back soon" She gave him a nod and a weak smile as he exited the bathroom. 

He made a note to check with Aurora if she had talked to Octavia about periods because he was definitely going to pass on that responsibility. 

He assured O that Clarke was fine, and said he needed to nip to the shop quickly. He found what he needed and was back to the house within 20 minutes. 

Bellamy knew he should view Clarke as a sister, but he didn't, he couldn't, He loved her just as much as he loved Octavia but their love felt different. When a guy talked to Octavia, he was fiercely protective but with Clarke it seemed more akin to jealousy. His mind in turmoil he travelled upstairs placing her things outside the door as she mumbled a quick "Thanks" through the door. 

He was sitting on the sofa watching a movie with Octavia when she appeared and he followed her into the kitchen, 

"Hey, take this medicine, it's antibiotics should help with your cramps." 

He grabbed her a bottle of water giving her two paracetamol and ten water. Once dinner was eaten, Octavia went upstairs probably to pretend to do her homework, Clarke collapsed on the sofa still holding her stomach. 

"Come here" 

He’d never been touchy feely with her before but when he opened his arms she wasn’t complaining. She fell into his arms, he gently rubbed her back, his other hand tangling in her hair as he gently massaged her neck. 

At some point she fell asleep against him, his mother gave him a disapproving glare as she got home but Bellamy didn't have it in him to care. Clarke was a scared 13-year-old who needed him, and he wasn't going to let her down. Gently he carried her upstairs and placed her on his bed so not to disturb O, covering her up with his blanket he leant down kissing her cheek,

"Night princess" he whispered pulling away, but she grabbed his wrist, 

"Please don't leave Bell." 

He felt himself relenting, Clarke shuffled over as he laid down next to her, pulling her into a hug. 

From that day on when she was on her period she would sneak into Bellamy's bed and he would hold her, he knew it was wrong especially when he got a girlfriend Gina, but he didn't stop her when 4 days a month she slipped into his bed but then again, he also didn't tell Gina. 


	2. Wanheda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thanks for all the love on Chp 1 ❤️
> 
> This is probably one of the angstiest chapter but there are some cute moments. Also one of my least favourite chapters but never mind here you go.
> 
> Let me know what you think and see you next Wednesday.

Chapter 2- **_Wanheda_**

"Please" Octavia shouted, throwing herself down on the sofa, "Bellamy this so unreasonable" 

Bellamy for his part grunted throwing the pillow at her, 

"I don't care. You two are not going out to a party, you are 14 and Clarke is 15" 

He was rambling like that was an explanation, 

"Come on, why can't they? I'm sure you did worse and it means we would have the house to ourselves" 

Gina looked up at him with her puppy eyes leaning forward to kiss him and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. But it just made him want to shout at her, why did she not understand Octavia and Clarke always came first. 

"No, they are not going to that party." He snapped.

Octavia rolled her eyes, throwing the pillow back at him. 

"You need to stop being so protective of your sisters" 

Gina obviously hadn’t meant anything by the comment but for some reason that made him tense, Clarke was not his sister. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


That Friday, the day of the party, he made sure to be outside of the high-school early so they couldn't try and sneak out. 

"Hey Bell" Clarke lent through the car window to kiss his cheek.

"Hey princess thought you'd be mad at me" 

He kissed her cheek back as Octavia stomped into the back of the truck, 

"She didn't want to go to the damn party anyway" 

Octavia was clearly furious and Bellamy couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Clarke shot him a glare climbing into the car alongside Octavia. As soon as they got home O ran upstairs slamming the door shut, 

"She's so dramatic" Clarke giggled, collapsing on the sofa as Bellamy let out a laugh. 

"Yeah who's at this party she so desperately wants to meet anyway?" Bellamy asked, watching as Clarke flushed pink. 

"Er. No one" 

As she tripped over her words, he withheld a smile, she was so cute when stammered. Shit she was not cute, he was her sister, it felt so weird to say. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself he should view Clarke as a little sister, he couldn’t. They could be friends, _just friends._

That night Gina refused to come round, mad that they never had any time to themselves. He wasn't overly surprised when Clarke opened his door just gone midnight, 

"Hey princess, you alright?" he mumbled half asleep as he opened his eyes allowing Clarke to slip into his bed. 

"I'm on my period" 

Bellamy had to hold back his chuckle, she had been on her period two weeks ago and there was no way she was still on her period but he didn't call her out, he liked holding her as much as she liked being held. 

"Go to sleep princess" 

She felt each expel of air as he whispered in her ear which made her giggle quietly, 

"m'kay" she mumbled back against his chest as he pulled her closer. 

What he didn't expect was for Gina to burst into his room at 5 o'clock in the morning, groggily he looked up at her from where he was still holding Clarke asleep at his side, his hand wrapped around her waist. He blushed. This was going to be bad. 

"What the fuck Bellamy?" she shouted as Clarke started to stir, 

"Hey shush" 

He motioned to the doorway as he detangled himself from Clarke covering her with another blanket before he met Gina in the hallway, pulling her downstairs away from where his mother and Octavia was sleeping. 

"What the hell was that?" Gina fumed, 

"It was nothing, she couldn't sleep" 

"She is like your sister Bellamy" 

He wants to shout ‘no she isn't’ but that would only make this all worse. 

"Yeah. Gina jesus we were just sleeping. We've been doing it since we were kids it's nothing" he mumbled feeling ashamed, he knew it was wrong. 

"She is 15, you’re 19 nearly 20 that is not okay Blake." she snapped before proceeding to break up with him, how little he cared should probably prove that it wasn't a good relationship, instead he went back up to bed holding Clarke close. It was wrong logically he knew that but it felt so right, holding her and being her friend. In the end he concluded that whatever they were to each other, he wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up, he liked how it was. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  
  


"Bell, we're home" Octavia shouted as they walked through the door, Bellamy looked up at them with a smile as Octavia pulled Clarke through the door. 

"We're going out tonight" 

Clarke rolled her eyes. She never really wanted to go out; it was always Octavia, the younger but bad influence who dragged her to parties. 

He wanted to complain but he really couldn't not after his mom said it was fine, ‘ _What Bellamy she's 15, Clarkes 16, you were going out to parties why can't they?_ ’ He really had no ground to stand on; he was just overly protective, rightly so when they reappeared in tight short fitting dresses. 

Clarke looked stunning, it was low cut and black hugging her beautiful curves, enhancing her already large breasts and when she spun he saw it was completely backless. 

"How do we look?" she asked, grinning at him as she grabbed Octavias hand, his response was always the same, 

"You both look very pretty" 

Clarke blushed and that was new. He gave them a wave as they walked out shouting to call him if there were any problems. That's why when an hour later he got a call from Clarke he was instantly worried.

"Hey Princess you okay?" he asked but he could tell she wasn't, 

"Can you pick me up?" 

He could hear that she was crying by her voice and Bellamy’s heart clenched, the need to protect her overwhelmed him. 

"Clarke where are you?" 

He arrived 15 minutes later, Clarke was sitting on the pavement head in her hands. 

"Hey, you okay princess?" he asked, dropping down next to her. His arm resting gently around her shoulders. She buried her head into his shoulder sobbing quietly and all he could do was hold her close. He reassured her gently, rubbing small circles with his thumb up and down her spine.

"Octavia is staying at Harper's houses, can we just go home?" 

He knew she viewed his house as home, God she spent most of her time there, she had her own room but still hearing her call it _home_ made him smile. 

"Yeah let's go home princess." 

He helped her into the truck, his hand scorching on her bare lower back. Her cheeks were tear stained, and his hand moved to cradle her face. Bellamys thumb rubbed away her tears. He tried not to notice when her breathing hitched, or when she stared intensely into his warm liquid gold eyes. 

"You going to tell me what happened?" 

She probably would have because she liked talking to him but then his phone was ringing an obnoxiously happy picture of Bellamy with his new girlfriend Echo bundled up into his lap. Part of Clarke hoped he would ignore it, that she was more important to him. 

"Hey baby" he said obviously not noticing how Clarke tensed, 

"Bell I was going to come over tonight you free?" 

If Bellamy was a good person then he would have said yes, Clarke was a big girl she could look after herself. But he found himself, a big part of himself contemplating saying no because more than anything he wanted to take her home and look after Clarke himself.

"Sorry I can't, I'm looking after my sister tonight" 

He felt bad saying it, not out loud he knew Clarke probably did view him as a sibling but to himself because he put so much time and effort into convincing himself that what they were went beyond brother and sister. Bellamy forced his eyes to glance over at Clarke and her surprised face before instantly she schooled it, always one to hide her emotions and stare silently out the window. 

"Okay well I'll call you tomorrow" 

He hung up just as they were pulling into the driveway.

"What the hell Bellamy?"

Clarke slammed the door and rushed into the house before he could say anything. Sighing Bellamy followed her, how'd he manage to fuck up now?

"Clarke" he called stopping short when he saw her curled up on the sofa sobbing into his hoodie he must have left on the sofa. 

"Hey princess, I'm sorry i didn't mean to make you cry, would you please talk to me?" 

He wasn’t above begging her to talk to him. He sat down next to her but she flinched away practically climbing onto the sofa arm to get away from him. 

"Leave me alone Bell" 

They’d had fights sure but never had Clarke actually run away from him normally after a fight she would lean into his side until he hugged her. But now she walked away from him and into the kitchen, sitting down on the chair. He looked at her sadly, her head in her hands as she leant against the table, he was pretty sure she was still sobbing. Feeling rather guilty and not knowing what to do he brought her a glass of water placing his hand in her shoulder but when she flinched away yet again, he went up to bed dejected. He was relieved when his door cracked open and she slipped into bed beside him.

"You on your period princess?" he asked really not caring, as she pushed her head against his chest, his hands settling in her waist. 

"Uh huh" 

He rubbed circles on her hip bone leaning down and kissing her hairline, she smiled up at him pressing her cheek up to his. This felt right reconciling through touch. 

"This guy grabbed me and tried to drag me up to his bedroom, I didn't want to and I..." 

She burst into tears and he tensed pulling away from her in fear of overwhelming her but that only made it worse so he took her back into his arms pulling her on top of him, 

"Give me a name Clarke, I swear I'll kill him" 

His voice was so low, lower than ever before but he was being serious. He’d do anything to protect her. 

"Please will you just hold me?" 

He knew it was wrong but he would anyway, he pulled off his shirt to get comfortable without even thinking about it. He never normally slept with a T-shirt unless he thought Clarke would join him. 

"Oh shit you okay with this?" he asked and she let out a giggle, and nodded her head, sitting up she pulled off her dress so she was just in her bra and matching panties. 

"Clarke" 

He was pretty sure his voice was breaking or wrecked as he gulped but she paid no attention as she fell back into his arms and for the first time he felt her skin against his, he was pretty sure she was blushing everywhere. 

She must actually have been on her period as well because halfway through the nights she started gasping in pain holding her stomach. 

"Hey are your cramps bad?" he asked and she nodded her head. Bellamy wasn’t sure why but she always had really bad period pain. He knew she had tried all different types of medications but none of them seemed to work. He turned her around so he was spooning her, when she stopped moving he dropped one of his hands to her stomach rubbing it gently as she moaned quietly, 

"Your okay princess" 

She threw her head back and sighed gently, he preferred not to analyse his biological responses to her noises. After a while she must have fallen asleep and he eased her down on the bed, not hearing when his mother threw open the door, what he would never forget however was the pure terror in her face as she looked from Bellamy to the unconscious mostly naked Clarke. 

Carefully he untangled himself from her grinning when she grumbled and reached out for him, he leant down kissing her cheek dreading the conversation he was about to have, he’d much rather just go back to bed with Clarke. 

"Get some sleep" he whispered. Annoyed that he had to leave her, he walked downstairs, not ready for the scolding he was about to get. 

"Yes mom?" 

He grabbed himself some water. 

"Clarke is 16" she snapped, slamming her hands against the table. 

"Mom we were just sleeping" 

He was trying to explain patiently knowing it must have been a shock to her but really he just wanted to go back to bed with Clarke, he didn't want to have this conversation he didn't want to be told how wrong it was because right now he was living in pure denial. 

"With no clothes on?" 

Her voice was louder now and Bellamy was kind of scared that Clarke would wake up. He didn't want her seeing this. 

"Mom I promise nothing has ever happened" 

He almost face planted when he registered what he had just said. 

"How long has this gone on for?" she shouted. 

"She's been sleeping in my bed for years" 

He bowed his head ashamed, he knew it was wrong. 

"Jesus Bellamy, she's like your sister" she mumbled storming into the living room.

"No she is not" 

"Get out of my sight. Get out of my house" she shouted, he wanted to stay and argue, he wanted to go back upstairs and check on Clarke but instead he grabbed his coat slamming the door behind him. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


When she woke up she was sad to find herself alone, Bellamy nowhere in sight. 

"Clarke can I talk to you?" Aurora asked, giving her a sad smile as she plonked down on the chair. 

"What's going on with you and Bellamy?" 

Clarke tried to hide her blush, _unfortunately nothing_ is all she could think. She had a little crush on him but she knew it was wrong, she was just another sister to him. That was quite clear when he talked to his girlfriend.

"What are you on about?" She squeaked out hoping her cheeks weren’t too red. 

"I saw you and Bellamy in bed. It's not right Clarke you're basically siblings" she said seemingly like she wanted to throw up, Clarke paled. _Well Shit._

"No we aren't" 

She felt the need to reiterate, they were never siblings, Bellamy and Octavia were siblings. She even classed O as a sibling to her, but her and Bellamy, they were something else. They were friends. At least to her, but she knew he’d only ever view them as siblings, maybe Aurora was right.

"I'm trying to protect you Clarke" she snapped, head cradled in her hands. 

"From Bellamy?" 

"Yes" 

"Bellamy is my safe place. I don't need protection from him," 

She didn’t want to listen to this anymore so she grabbed her coat and phone, she was going to find him, to sort everything out. 

She looked for hours going to all their normal spots and must have rung his phone over twenty times but he was either very busy or ignoring her. In the end she gave up returning home, she refused to talk to Aurora slamming her bedroom door shut. 

The house was fairly big, old and rickety but big. Clarke had been given the guest room when she was 10 years old, and it had become hers in every sense of the world. Most of her textbooks were there and nearly all of her clothes. Her sketches were scattered all over her room, hell all over the house. Her mother had grown distant after her father had died 9 years ago but she guessed she did too. Her father had been the one holding the family together and with him gone she no longer had any ties to her. She stayed round most nights at the Blake’s, only returning home when she was forced for various events or dinners. She thought maybe it was better for her relationship with her mom how little she was around as it preserved whatever remained.

When Bellamy didn’t return home that evening she was worried, especially when O said he hadn’t responded to any of her texts either. Which is why when Aurora left for work, they snuck out. Honestly Clarke didn’t want to think about what jobs Aurora had to do at 8 o’clock at night but she did whatever it took to feed her children. Clarke guessed the one decent thing her mom did was pay Aurora each month for Clarke’s upkeep. The walk to the bar Bellamy worked at wasn’t long, 5 minutes max.

“O you do realise Bellamys going to be mad we turned up, especially wearing this” 

Clarke motioned towards herself and O. They had dressed up in their party clothes because they knew it made them look older that’s also why she’d curled her hair and put on makeup. 

“Well if he’d just answered his damn texts we wouldn’t have to sneak into a bar would we?” Octavia moaned exasperated, and she had a point. Bellamy could have just responded to one of the twenty messages she’d sent him. 

“Maybe his phone died?”

“We both know it didn’t Clarke because it was still ringing, come on let’s just get on with this” 

She grabbed Clarke’s hand flashing a seductive smile at the bouncer who let them in. 

The bar was always crowded especially on a Saturday night, O seemed to thrive in party conditions but it seemed tonight she had a mission as she guided Clarke through the crowds of people. They ignored the comments and bad pickup lines until eventually they got to the bar. It wasn’t that’s surprising, they both knew they were good looking and they both knew how to flaunt it. 

“Princess, O, Bells going to murder you” Murphy said sliding them over both a shot. 

Murphy was probably Bellamy's closest friend, not that he had many friends. He worked alongside him at the bar and had known both the girls for years probably since Clarke was 11 or 12. 

“Yeah where is he?” Octavia asked leaning over the bar to grab the vodka pouring them both another shot.

“Stop drinking or he’s going to murder me too” Murphy snapped but he had a fond smile on his face, “and he texted me said he’d be late. Which is just great seeing as I’m now stuck alone at a very busy bar” 

“We’ll help won’t we O?” Clarke encouraged climbing over the bar catching the apron Murphy threw at her.

“Nope I’m dancing and drinking, you can help” 

She flashed them a smile, as Clarke flipped her off. 

“I’m going to dance” 

Murphy huffed out a laugh watching her go before he pulled Clarke into a hug, 

“You're a lifesaver princess” 

“Don’t you forget it.” she said, walking to the other end of the bar to take orders. 

She’d done it once or twice before normally in the week, when it wasn’t as busy and always under Bellamy's supervision. She might not legally be able to drink but she sure as hell knew how to make them. Being a pretty girl with sizable breasts also helped get her a lot of tips so all in all it was a win, win. 

That was until Bellamy walked up, a drunk Octavia hanging off his arms and an angry glare plastered on his face, 

“Murphy I’m going to kill you” he snapped, pushing Octavia to sit down filling up a glass of water, “drink”

“But Belllll, I’m not thirstyyyy”

Clarke laughed slightly, placing a hand over her mouth when Bellamy glared at her, she knelt down taking over the job of forcing water down Octavias throat.

“Yeah well if you’d turned up on time you’d be here to babysit her” Murphy snapped back not even turning around. 

“Your the one that served them the alcohol”

“It was our idea Bell don’t be mad at Murphy” Clarke pleaded grabbing Bellamy's arm, but he shrugged her off. Which hurt they’d always been very affectionate, hugs, cheek kisses just general touches, but Bellamy stiffened hardly even looking at her. 

“Listen to the princess” Murphy stated, slipping round Bellamy to carry on serving, working with Clarke. 

For a while it was fine until a drunk guy over on Bellamy sectioned shouted how he wanted the ‘hot girl’ to serve him, his friend crudely remarking how she could do a lot more than just serve him. Before they shouted out asking if she wanted to see a good time. In an instance Bellamy had jumped the bar pinning one of them against the wall, Murphy following not far behind, grabbing the other guy. Octavia was mumbling something about the testosterone level suffocating her as she tried to steal more vodka, Clarke battered her hand out the way moving the alcohol out of her reach before she turned to look at the guys. 

“It's not worth the fight” Clarke called over, Murphy smirked at her, Bellamy shooting her a glare. As they forced the two of them out the bar threatening to do a lot worse if they ever returned. 

Bellamy refused to talk to her for the rest of the shift but at least he didn’t order them home. When it started to slow down Murphy cooked them up some burgers, Clarke sitting on the work bench beside him eating the cheese, both of them laughing as they heard Octavia plead with Bellamy for “just a bit more brain juice”

“If your calling alcohol brain juice you’ve clearly had enough O” Bellamy snapped back, helping her into the kitchen, 

“Octavia you can have the first burger it will help sober you up” 

Murphy handed her the plate as she grinned up at him, 

“Murphy you know you my favourite” O started.

“He’s not getting you more alcohol O, I will literally kill him” Bellamy threatened, as Clarke giggled watching Murphy throw his hands up in surrender.

“Bell, I'll help you serve. I want to talk to you” 

Clarke jumped off the counter, stealing some fries from Octavia's plate as she followed him back into the main section of the bar. 

“Why did you ignore me all day?” She asked in a small voice, almost scared of the answer. Flashing the guy she was serving a smile, and a wink grabbing the money he handed over. 

“I wasn’t ignoring you”

Clarke rolled her eyes pouring herself another shot and downing it before Bellamy could reach her,

“Yes you were. Your mom had a go at me”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing that’s true” Clarke reassured him, grabbing his hand and squeezing gently. 

“Clarke maybe she was right, I think I should distance myself a little bit,”

“Bell don’t do this” she pleaded, trying to catch his gaze but he refused to look at her. He gave her a sad smile and squeezed her arm before pushing her back to go serve someone, effectively ending the conversation. 

Murphy called her over not long afterwards and gave her some food, tasking her to look after O who was throwing chips at a wall, spinning in circles and dancing to the music that was playing. Octavia dragged her into the center of the kitchen making her dance, she caught Bellamy leaning in the door frame watching them with a fond smile on his face. 

“Princess, can you help, we’ve got another rush?” Murphy shouted and Clarke awoke from where she was half asleep on the couch, staggering to the bar and grabbing the apron. Why the fuck was there a rush at 2 o’clock in the morning, she’d never know. By the end of his shift she was dead on her feet, Murphy helping her to Bellamy's truck as O was passed out over Bellamy's shoulder. 

“Thanks for the help Clarke, how much did you make in tips?” He asked, smirking at the wad of cash she was holding. 

“A lot”

“Helps that you're pretty,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek, before shouting bye to Bellamy. 

They passed out in their respective rooms as soon as they got home about 4 in the morning. She didn’t wake until gone 12 but she could already smell the pancakes that Bellamy was cooking, which was the only reason she dragged herself out of her warm bed and slumped into the counter next to O. It was so unfair how Octavia never got hungover, no matter how much she drank. Clarke on the other hand had hardly any last night, not more than 5 shots but still her head was ringing. 

“Good Morning sleepy beauty” Bellamy teased, passing over a plate of blueberry pancakes.

She tore a bit of chucking it at him, “I’m too hungover for you to tease”

“Cause you're a lightweight” Octavia giggled her voice way too loud this early in the day. Clarke rolled her eyes, shaking her head with a smile. She grabbed the money she’d left on the counter last night counting it up, 

“Jesus” Octavia said, 

“Yeah well if you’d actually worked rather than just drunk you’d have tips too” Clarke laughed, raising her eyebrows at Bell she asked, “how much you make”

“Nearly £400”

“Ha got you beat £532. One guy tipped me £200” she laughed. She always got a lot of tips, being a blonde pretty bartender, but seeing as it was Saturday night and more tourists were there compared to normal because of some car event that she was very thankful for.

“Well that dress did show nearly all parts of your boobs” O said stealing £20 out of Clarke’s pile tucking it into her jeans, “let’s go shopping, I’ll pay for lunch”

“Yeah with the money you just stole from me” Clarke laughed pushing into the side of her before helping Bellamy clear up the kitchen, “No lecture on going to the bar or working?” 

“Would you even listen?” 

“Huh. what was that, I didn’t hear”

“Ha ha. very funny” he deadpanned whacking the tea towel against her side.

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Bellamy started locking his door at night, and he was a lot more reluctant to just curl up and let her hug him like she used to. She missed him, she felt like there was a physical part of her gone. But over time she learnt to live without him. If anything she grew closer to Octavia, not much else changed, she stayed over just as much, got in just as much trouble as always. It wasn’t like Bellamy was no longer there for her, he was just at a distance, in a different way. She knew that if she needed him, he’d always be there like always. 

But still the next two years were hard, she’d never been an angry person but suddenly she couldn’t control her emotions. She was angry at everything, especially her mother, for letting their relationship go so far. Just like she was angry at her father for dying, for leaving her. He was never going to see the women she wanted to become and sometimes everything felt overwhelming, too much and she wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Those day O would literally drag her out of bed, force her to eat even when she felt like she couldn’t. But some good came out of it too, the next two years she grew very close to Murphy. 

Maybe they didn’t intentionally try but everyone else tried to change her, keep her as the old Clarke but she had matured and changed. She was no longer the little girl that Bellamy needed to save, to protect. She grew hard and angry at the world and something about Murphy let her be who she was. He would listen to her rant and pour her drinks, even though she was still underage. He taught her how to survive, when she needed an outlet he taught her how to fight, and eventually how to shoot. She chose to no longer be the powerless, helpless girl that the world could beat up. 

“Clarke your 18 tomorrow, we have to throw you a party?” Octavia begged, as she rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t want a party O. I have to visit my mom and then we can go to the pub” 

“Clarke come on,” 

Why Octavia was hell bent on throwing her a party she wasn’t sure, “Bellamy tell her she has to have a party” 

Bellamy threw a chocolate chip at Octavia, his girlfriend Echo still perched on the cabinet, Clarke no longer got the painful pangs when she remembered that once upon a time that was her up on the side helping Bellamy make breakfast. 

“Are you sure you don’t want a party?” Echo asked. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Echo, over the two years she’d grown to respect her. She just didn’t think she was right for Bellamy, he looked after everyone always and she thought maybe he liked to look after others, but she knew he needed someone to look after him as well and Echo was like that. She was never very maternal, Octavia always complained how she was cold and detached. 

“Yes, but if you have to throw a party I will attend” she said, giving in but it was worth it when Octavia threw her arms around her neck, 

“Thanks I love you. It’s going to be the best party ever” she shouted, waving as Clarke walked out the door ready to go meet Murphy, 

“Clarke be careful” Bellamy said quietly, they all knew what she was going to do, she turned round giving him her best fake smile, and nodded her head. 

Clarke drove out to meet Murphy in the fields and spent the day shooting clay pigeons and the occasional trees when she got bored. No one could deny that she was good, very good. 

“Remind me never to get on your bad side princess” Murphy laughed from where he laid on the grass, a permanent smirk on his face. That was another thing that had changed, Murphy was now the only one to call her princess. Bellamy had stopped almost overnight and Octavia had obviously followed his lead, and it’s not like she overly cared, the nickname sucked anyway but part of her, the weak part missed being Bellamy's princess.

Bellamy knew what they got up to, Murphy would often tease him about it at work but he’d never once asked to tag along and therefore he didn’t know how good she had become. That’s why later that night when she was working at the bar and some guy touched her arse she had him pinned to the floor before Bellamy could even jump over the counter. 

“Damn Clarke” he stated, and she heard pride in his voice as she punched the guy in his face, handing him off to Murphy to throw out. 

She shrugged off Bellamy's hand annoyed, he only ever touched her when she was in pain, and she hated it. Murphy gave her a high five and passed her a couple of shots for her to down, 

“I told you she’s good at fighting, even better with a gun” he teased, her cheeks flushing as Bellamy looked at her with the intensity that had been lacking in his eyes for so long. 

Her birthday the next day was fine, she went and visited her mom, faked being nice to her for a couple of hours before she went home. Her and O watched a couple of movies before they started setting up for the party. 

She had hoped for a small gathering but that hope died after the first thirty people that walked in. Bellamy and Echo found her some time around eight and Bellamy gave some new charcoal pencils. She didn’t care when Echo glared at her as she pulled Bellamy into a hug because maybe they were girlfriends and boyfriend but Clarke always knew she came first anyway. What she didn’t know is that her 18th birthday would change the rest of her life forever. She didn’t know when a boy with floppy hair and a cute smile walked up to her and introduced himself as Finn Collins that her fate, and her happiness would forever be tied to him. But then again she’d always known fate was a bitch. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.❤️
> 
> Wanheda my fav type of Clarke to write and one of my all time favourite quotes from the whole fic is in this chapter "But part of her, the weak part missed being Bellamy's princess."
> 
> Let me know what you think and see you Wednesday. Kudos and comments always appreciated  
> Come hang out with me on tumblr @bellarkelover if you want.


	3. Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for all the love ❤️ 
> 
> You may have noticed I have updated the rating to explicit this is for sexual description In chapter 10 and onwards but I thought I would change it know because there are other strong themes that started this chapter. 
> 
> Tw- drug abuse, drug overdose, minor character death and dealing with death. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and see you next Wednesday ❤️❤️

_“An Angel will die, covered in white” -Ed Sheeran_

Chapter 3- Angel

Her and Finn's relationship developed quickly. Everyone loved him, well everyone but Bellamy as Clarke always reasoned he was just overly overprotective. 

Octavia would often come with them to the cinema or out shopping and remark how attentive Finn was to her and it was true, Finn waited on her beck and call. In nearly every way he was perfect yet she couldn’t help but think their relationship was missing something, she could never fully commit to him. He was her first kiss and then eventually her first time. 

It wasn’t mind blowing like everyone described, not an excessive amount of moaning or a floating feeling she’d read about, but it was nice enough. Finn had taken her camping and they’d hung out with his friends and O. Eventually when they divided up and went to their tents he kissed her. It got heated like it always did between them, and this time she was ready to go further. By the end of it she wouldn’t say she was in a daze but she was sleepy and ready to cuddle up with Finn. 

Of course that would be the one night O hurts herself and they had to phone Bellamy to come pick them up. She’d be fine, just a sprained ankle. What was worse was the way Bellamy had looked at her, like he knew she’d just lost her virginity to Finn. 

They weren’t close anymore not since she’d started dating Finn. Any time she tried to talk to Bellamy it would end in screaming matches but it didn’t mean she no longer cared for him. If anything it proved to her that absence really did make the heart did grow fonder. She missed the way they had been, she missed _her_ Bellamy. 

“Sure you don’t want to stay with your Prince Charming?”

Clarke rolled her eyes climbing in next to O, “Of course not, Ocatavis hurt” she snapped back and at least Bellamy had the decency to look guilty. 

It was the first night Clarke and O had slept in the same bed in years but she had been helping her get changed and somehow been dragged into watching a movie. It felt nice to have someone to hold. 

“Clarke”

“Mmh”

“Was it good?”

Clarke blushed slightly rolling over to face her, of course she knew about her plans to sleep with Finn, she told her best friend everything. 

“It was fine, nothing to write home about” 

Octavia giggled leaning in closer to Clarke, “you are home” she laughed. Yes, she was home. 

Perhaps more embarrassing was when she walked into the bar the next day and Murphy handed her over a drink stealing the cherry off the top, and smashing it between his teeth. 

“How was the popping of the cherry” he asked and she whacked him, flushing bright red and refusing to look at Bellamy's angry glare. 

“What?” 

“Oops, seems like I got you in trouble” 

Murphy laughed grinning at her while she flipped him off.

“You slept with him?” 

She could hear how angry he was, how much he was trying to control himself.

“Relax she’s 18, you were sleeping around at a lot younger age” Murphy added trailing off at the look on his face.

“Not that it is any of your business but yes”

Something flashed across his eyes, maybe hurt or jealousy. It didn't stay long enough for her to work it out before he was turning on his heel and walking out into the back room. The sounds of crashing could be heard seconds later. 

“Don’t worry about him Clarke, he’s just protective”

“Well he doesn’t need to be protective, I’m 18, a big girl. I can look after myself besides he’s only 4 years older than me”

“Nearly five and it must be hard seeing you grow up and date Finn,” Murphy added, chucking her an apron and telling her to start serving seeing as Bellamy was currently indisposed, messing up the stockroom. 

“He’s a good guy.” 

She wasn’t lying, Finn was good, he was always respectful and nice to the point sometimes it pissed her off. She could open her own damn door, she wasn’t helpless.

“He’s an 18 year old boy, I’m not surprised Bellamy’s worried” 

“You're saying I should go older, someone more mature” Clarke teased, dodging the fruit Murphy chucked at her. She jumped up on to the bar, chewing her cherry stalk.

“Only if you want to give Bellamy a heart attack” 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Clarke’s world changed again when Echo moved in with them. It was more that Bellamy hadn’t even checked with her or Octavia, they weren’t even sure he’d asked Aurora but then again she was never home. 

“Why would he do that?” Octavia snapped, slamming the door shut on Bellamy. To be fair he did have the cheek to ask them to help move in Echo’s things. 

“Maybe he loves her?”

“He should love us more Clarke.” Octavia shouted, flopping herself down on the bed dramatically. 

Clarke climbed into bed with her, and they watched a couple of movies ignoring Bellamy, who shouted down to ask them to help. Clarke didn’t like how everything was changing, and all truth, she didn’t even like Echo being with Bellamy, never mind having to be in the same house with her. 

Octavia broke when Echo popped her head in telling her it was dinner time, she nearly didn’t dodge the hardback book O lobbed at her. Clarke tried to hold in her laugh, she should probably scold her; no 17 year old should chuck books but then again Echo was a bitch. In the end they snuck at the window, Clarke at least had the decency to write a note, 

_Gone to the bar_

_~ sorry_

Therefore it wasn’t that surprising when Bellamy stormed in 2 hours later. She was helping out behind the bar and Octavia was sitting in the store room playing cards with her friend Monty. 

“What the hell” he snapped, pushing his way to the bar. 

“Bellamy, why are you making a scene?” Murphy asked. Octavia obviously heard the commotion, because she walked out the store room. 

“Where’s your girlfriend? Oh wait probably at home, you know our home. Didn’t think to ask us before you moved her in”

“Shit man” Murphy helpfully added, causing them all to glare at him. 

“I didn’t realise I had to ask your permission O, seeing as I’m the adult”

“Clarke let’s just go to Finns, I don’t want to go home tonight.” 

She knew it probably wasn’t the best idea, Bellamy hated Finn. Anytime he picked her up from the house, Bellamy would huff or threaten him. Finn took to picking her up halfway down the street, they met most days and she stayed over at least once a week. 

Finn lived alone in an apartment, which meant they were free to do what they pleased. They would have sex nearly everytime she stayed over, she wouldn’t exactly say it was better than the first time, but it grew easier and less uncomfortable. She still didn’t enjoy it much, she did it mainly for Finn. 

“No, no way am I letting you two stay round Finns.”

“Clarke does it once a week” Octavia exclaimed exasperated, 

“Yeah and I can’t stop her can I? But you two are not going over tonight.”

“How are you going to stop us exactly?” O asked, grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her out the pub and down the road, where they phoned Finn who thankfully did come and pick them up. She’d never been more relieved that she hadn’t told Bellamy where Finn lived. They really did not need him turning up right now. Octavia ignored all his calls until eventually she just turned off her phone. 

“What has he done now?” Finn asked chuckling when O threw the pillow at him. 

“Being a dick, he moved his girlfriend in without asking.”

“Shit”

Once O had passed out, she called Bellamy not that she wasn’t just as mad as Octavia. She just knew that he would be worried about them.

**_“Clarke you okay?”_ **

“I’m fine, just through I should let you know we’re both okay. Octavia asleep” It had probably been a bad idea to call him, but part of her just wanted to talk to him.

**_“Right”_ **

“We didn’t mean to worry you”

**_“What did you expect me to do then exactly?”_** He didn’t sound angry, just sad.

“O is just mad right now.”

**_“I know you both are. I didn’t mean to upset you. Echo needed somewhere to stay. I wish you two would both just come home”_ **

“I’m sorry”

**_“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just make sure you look after eachother”_ **

She heard Finn call for Clarke, he was probably in the bedroom waiting for her, obviously Bellamy had heard too. 

**_“You should go, your boyfriends calling you”_ **

“Right, night Bell”

**_“Night Clarke”_** he whispered softly, she’d missed that. He’d always talk so kindly to her but recently all they’d been doing was arguing. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


She didn’t want to move out. But the house was so crowded with Echo around all the time and she found herself getting more and more frustrated at everything. She couldn’t cope with Echo 24/7, she was always so cold and demanding so much of Bellamy's attention. 

It was almost worse to live in the same house as Bellamy, to have the possibility of family dinners each night, or movie nights that Bellamy used to be there for and instead watch as Echo took up all of his time. 

She refused to make him pick between her or Echo but she couldn’t live like that. She needed to get out because their relationship was suffocating. Maybe she finally admitted to herself she had feelings for Bellamy, feelings that went beyond siblings or friends. She was torturing herself by being so close to him, but never quite being able to have him. She had to get a hold of herself especially as they hadn’t been close in over two years, and she wasn’t even sure Bellamy viewed her as a friend. 

She did feel guilty about leaving O, and she wasn’t especially keen on moving back in with her mom. Especially since she’d got remarried to Kane but she didn’t have much other choice. 

On her last night at the Blake’s she sat on the sofa crying and then feeling pathetic that she was crying. It was just that this had been her home for so long. 

“Clarke, you don’t have to leave” Bellamy whispered as he sat down on the sofa next to her. She let herself have a moment of weakness and laid her head down on his shoulder, he only tensed for a second before he wrapped his arm around her. 

“I never wanted you to move out, this is your home.”

“Bell I can’t stay here.” she whispered back, they both knew it was about Echo but she wouldn’t make him choose, that wasn’t fair to him. 

“You can move back any time” he pressed a kiss on her forehead and they stayed wrapped up together until Echo got home. Immediately she climbed onto Bellamy's lap and Clarke squirmed away, ignoring his apologetic gaze, instead going to find Octavia. 

O stayed over a couple times a week at her moms, mostly because she tried her best to avoid Echo at all costs. Clarke wasn’t really sure why they didn’t get along but Echo was pretty difficult to like anyway. 

Clarke pretty much kept to herself, she had dinner with her mom and Kane most nights, but apart from that she stayed in her room. She went to Finns a couple times a week. 

It continued that way for a couple months, she didn’t see much of Bellamy except when she was working at the bar.

She was serving drinks, helping Murphy with a massive group when Bellamy and O walked in, she could tell something was wrong. 

“We both know moms using”

“We don’t know that Octavia, it could be something else” Bellamy snapped, storming out the back. O hopped up onto the bar. They’d always known that Aurora probably did drugs on her ‘jobs’ at night. Maybe it was naive of Clarke to never think that she could get addicted. She tried to go and talk to Bellamy, but he was too worked up. 

Two weeks later O called her in tears, she couldn’t work out what she was saying, “Can you put Bellamy on O, I’m on my way”

“Hey Clarke” Bellamy whispered, voice broken.

“Bell are you okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s mom, she’s really ill. We’re going to the hospital”

“I’ll meet you there,” she promised. 

As soon as she arrived she saw Bellamy carrying Aurora in, instantly she was by O side, pulling her into her arms and helping her inside. Aurora was rushed off, and they took a seat in the waiting room. She realised Echo wasn’t around but it wasn’t the right time to ask. Instead she sat with O half on her lap cradling Bellamy's hand. 

Eventually the doctor called Bellamy and Clarke untangled herself from him, giving him a small smile and a reassuring smile, “I’ll stay here with O” 

“Thanks” he mumbled, and all she could see was how much suffering and pain he was going through. 

Twenty minutes later he returned saying how she was stable and they could go visit her. Bellamy scooped Octavia up into his arms and led the way. It was a shock to see a woman who was always so strong, look so defeated. She was pale, so very pale that it reminded Clarke of an angel. 

She’d been close to Aurora, she had taken her in, and while Bellamy was the one to actually look after her, she’d always allowed her to stay and even given her one of the bedrooms. She was like a second mother to her, but she was a ghost of the woman she used to be. They’d seen the change over years, she’d grown more distant, sad and isolated. 

She stepped forward gently taking Aurora's hand. Bellamy placed Octavia on the couch on one side of the room before he walked over to Clarke resting his hand on her shoulder. She twizzled slightly so she could press her cheek to his forearm. 

“She’s going to be fine Bell.” she whispered. The tears running down his face would suggest he didn’t believe her. She stood up and turned so she was facing him, then she leant up and gently cupped his face, her thumb ran along his cheek wiping away his tears. It seemed that did it for him, he virtually collapsed into her arms sobbing like he didn’t have the strength to hold in the pain anymore. 

“Oh Bell” 

She helped him into the chair by his mother but she didn’t let him go, instead held him closer. His head rested lightly against her stomach and his arms around her waist. She didn’t say anything, she couldn’t give him the comforting words he craved instead she ran her fingers through his hair. 

Echo didn’t turn up until they had been at the hospital for nearly 5 hours, Clarke had still been holding Bellamy when she tore into the room.

“Bellamy I just heard, come here baby” she virtually shouted, startling Octavia awake. Echo pushed Clarke out the way where Bellamy had still been hugging her. But now wasn’t the time to fight and truthfully he probably wanted his girlfriend more than some ex-friend/ sibling whatever the fuck she was to him. But his hand shot out to grab her hand, 

“Clarke” he begged seemingly desperate, his eyes darting around the room. She didn’t want to leave him but Echos glare made it quite clear she didn’t like that Clarke was still holding his hand. 

“I’m going to check on O” she whispered quietly, pulling away her hand. She didn’t want to watch the way Echo plonked down on his lap and buried her head in his shoulder. Clarke lifted up O’s head slightly so she could sit down. 

“Clarke it’s really late maybe only family should stay overnight” Echo said, the disdain in her voice evident, in the most recent weeks Echo seemed to suddenly start to hate Clarke. She’d never overly shown any kindness or friendship to her before but it seemed like now she was actively plotting against her. 

Clarke couldn’t believe her cheek. To imply that she was family but Clarke, the same Clarke who had moved in at 10 years old, who had helped Bellamy take care of Aurora when she was sick, the one who had been there for every family event, every Christmas or birthday wasn’t family, but she merely Bellamy's rather shitty girlfriend was. She watched the way Bellamy stiffened at her statement, but it was O that opened her eyes and glared at her. 

“Well it’s lucky she’s family then isn’t it?” She snapped, grabbing Clarke's hand. 

“O I didn’t m..”

“Don’t call me O,” Octavia interrupted, ignoring the glare from her brother, “The only one here who isn’t family is you. As you rightly stated only family should stay over, so get the fuck out of this hospital room.”

O seemed to stun the whole room to silence, and Echo whipped around to look at Bellamy, “Are you going to let her talk to me like that?”

Clarke felt so bad for Bellamy, he was always put in a place where he had to decide and choose between people he loved. 

“And it’s not like what I said wasn’t true. Clarke moved out, you’ve hardly seen her in months”

“Get out” Bellamy said, his voice trying to mask the anger in eerily calmness. He pushed her off his lap so she was standing, “Get out” he said louder now.

“Bellamy?”

“Echo I don’t want to see you right now, please leave” 

“But you're letting her stay?” She asked, hurt.

“Yes Clarke is family”

“Of course she is” Echo snapped storming out the room. They fell into a tense silence. 

“Who does she think she is? She didn’t turn up for hours and then she tried demanding who has to leave” Octavia raged, Clarke pulled her closer, 

“It’s okay O, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going anywhere” she whispered softly, running her hand up and down Octavias back until she drifted off to sleep again. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Aurora was released a day later and things started to get back to normal. Bellamy would talk to her more at the bar and even apologised for Echo. Her and Finn were good, even her relationship with her mom was approving, everything was looking up but Karma is a bitch. Bellamy had driven Clarke back to his house because she had to pick some things up she’d left, 

“You know you can stay over tonight?”

“Are you sure Echo would approve, you know only family and all” she teased, he cracked a small smile. 

“She knows you are my family” he admitted softly before unlocking the door. 

She went to get herself a drink but just as she turned on the tap, she heard a heartbreaking sob and then a scream for help. But when she got up the stairs, she knew it was too late. Bellamy was cradling Aurora's body, a needle sticking out her arm, the bath water she must have turned on overflowing and drenching them both. 

“Oh god” She jumped over Bellamy to turn off the tap. Before dialling 911 trying to ignore Bellamy's heart wrenching pleas for her to wake up. 

The paramedics announced her dead pretty soon after they arrived. She tried to convince Bellamy to come downstairs while they checked over everything but he refused to leave, sitting and staring blankly at the spot Aurora had been. 

Eventually the night grew dark, Clarke filled out all the paperwork, and sorted out all the immediate tasks. She was so busy rushing around trying to help Bellamy it didn’t fully hit her until Octavia walked in the door, that their mom was dead. Blissfully unaware O had a big smile on her face.

“Are you staying round?” She asked excitedly and Clarke’s heart shattered for her, 

“Octavia why don’t you pick a movie I’ll be right down” she replied running up the stairs. Bellamy turned to look at her when she entered the bathroom but he still hadn’t moved in hours almost paralysed by grief. 

“Octavias just got home.” She said softly dropping to the floor next to him, “I can tell her if you want Bellamy?” 

“I should do it,” he grunted, those were the first words she heard from him since they’d found her. 

“Okay”

He slowly stood before he glanced back at her, “Will you maybe come with me though?”

“Always” she grabbed his hand and together they made their way down the stairs. Octavia could tell something was wrong, maybe tipped off from the dried tears on his face. 

“Where is she? Where’s mom” she shouted trying to push past Bellamy to get upstairs. He wrapped his arms around her even as she was hitting and kicking him trying to get upstairs. 

“I’m so sorry O. There was nothing we could do, she was already dead when I found her” He cried

“No. No your lying. Stop lying” she screamed. Fighting harder to get away from Bellamy. Eventually her body must have given up because she grew limp in his arms. He carried her over to the sofa, letting her curl up into his lap like she would do as a child whenever there was a scary part of the movie. Clarke could see how hard he was trying to hold it together for Octavia. Clarke leaned down on his side, her hand wrapping around both of them and together they weeped for the mother they’d lost. Eventually Clarke realised she needed to get them some food and water. 

Octavia ate most of her food whereas Bellamy only moved it around his plate. She sat with O for a while after dinner, before lying down and holding her until she fell asleep. When she got back downstairs Bellamy was half asleep on the sofa. She grabbed a blanket gently tucking him in, sleepily she brushed his hair out of his face. His hand grabbed around her wrist tugging her down so she sat against him.

“She’s really gone” he whispered lifting his hand up to cup Clarke’s cheek, her hand covered his,

“I’m so so sorry Bellamy”

“It hurts” he whimpered and she wiped away his tears, leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

“You want me to call Echo?”

He shook his head, the hand not on her cheek, held her hip, “Will you stay here tonight?”

“Of course I will. Let’s get you to bed” she suggested, seeing as he was awake he could sleep in his bed. 

She helped him to his room and sat down on the bed, stroking his hair while he cried, 

“Tell me it gets better” 

She laid down with him, pulling his head to her chest, “It gets easier.” She remembered the overwhelming sadness when her dad died, “I know right now you feel like you can’t breathe, that you're not strong enough but I promise you are Bellamy and I’ll help you always” He held her so close as if he needed her to breath and to live. Together they drifted off to sleep entangled like they hadn’t been for two years. 

She only awoke because she felt a wave of nausea that forced her to the bathroom, where she threw up everything she'd eaten yesterday. Afterwards she crawled back into bed with Bellamy,

“You okay?” He asked sleepily into her collar bone. 

“I’m okay, go back to sleep,” she whispered. Eventually she had to go and make breakfast and make sure O was up. Bellamy stumbled downstairs just gone 9 eating a couple bites of pancakes before stating he had things to sort out and walked out the door before they could stop him. 

Echo turned up just after lunch demanding to know why he hadn’t texted her back. Clearly upset O ran upstairs slamming the door shut. Clarke could hear her throwing things around her room. She didn’t want to be the one to tell Echo, but no one else was there.

“Aurora passed away yesterday, Bellamy was the one to find her.”

“Oh God, where is he?”

“He left this morning. I’m not trying to be rude but maybe you should leave until Bellamy calls you.” She said over her shoulder as she ran up the stairs to go and check on O. 

Bellamy didn’t get back until nearly 11 o’clock, drunk out of his mind, thankfully Murphy was supporting him. He helped Clarke get him into bed. 

“How are you doing princess?”

“Just trying to stay strong for them both” Clarke replied, as Murphy pulled her into a hug.

“Get off her” Bellamy shouted, pushing himself off the bed and shoving Murphy back. 

“Jesus, Bellamy what are you doing?” Clarke cried,

Murphy held his hands up, slipping out the room and seconds later they heard the door shut. Bellamy gently took Clarke into his arms carrying her to the bed, 

“Can I hold you tonight?” he asked. She nodded her head gently kissing her forehead, “Get some sleep Bellamy, we can talk tomorrow” 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Again she was left heaving over the toilet, Bellamys stumbling in, 

“Shit you okay?” He asked, sweeping her hair up and rubbing her back. She hummed in answer too busy trying not to throw up. 

Eventually when she was done, he tied her hair back, “You promise you're not sick?” He was so scared of losing anyone else. 

“I think I just have a bug. Come on I wanted to talk to you anyway” she said taking his hand and walking him downstairs. 

“Do you need any help planning anything, Bell. I can go with you to the funeral directors or” 

He burst into tears. “Oh Bellamy I didn’t mean to upset you” she whispered, hugging him and resting her head against his chest. Honestly she didn’t feel great, she’d much rather still be in bed or maybe a bath, but she would do anything to help him right now. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


The funeral was two days later. Honestly it had been so hectic. Social workers had been round and given legal guardianship to Bellamy, seeing as O was already 17 it was an easy process. The day of the funeral the weather was good. After she finished throwing up, she was so over this stomach bug, she helped Octavia get dressed, plaiting her hair and promising her everything would be okay.

“She’s not going to be there right?” She asked, looking over at Bellamy. 

“What Echo?”

“Yes I don’t want her at the funeral” Octavia snapped. Clarke knew how angry she currently was, at everyone but especially Echo. 

“Well maybe I do”

“It’s meant to be a family event” 

The actual funeral was nice, peaceful, Clarke sat in between O and Bellamy holding their hands. He tucked his head on her shoulder to hide his sobs halfway through the service and she whispered encouragement into his ear. Quite a few people had turned up but Clarke didn’t know many of them besides, she was paying more attention to her family and making sure they were okay. Bellamy read a poem for Aurora, and she was so proud of him for making it through it without breaking down. They all knew she wasn’t a great mother, distant and sometimes cold but there was no doubt she loved her kids. She did everything for them, worked three jobs to provide for them. 

She stood by their side as Aurora was lowered to the ground, the three of them throwing a handful of dirt onto the casket. She made polite conversation when everyone came up to them and offered condolences, they had no wake planned so most people dispersed after the burial. Clarke slipped away quickly going to sit by the casket, when the others were distracted. 

“Hey, I hope you're at peace now. You had so much suffering in your life, and I know you hid most of it from us three. You wanted us to have a good life and I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they do. Thankyou for taking me in, I don’t know where my life would be if you hadn’t but mostly I’m thankful for your kids, they are my entire life. You don’t have to be brave anymore, you can be happy.”

She felt Bellamy's hand rest gently on her shoulder, “That was nice” he whispered sitting down next to her. 

A couple of minutes later Octavia sat down on her other side and they just held each other, saying their final goodbyes. Bellamy walked with her, to her fathers grave before they left and she laid some flowers and asked him to look after Aurora before they returned home. 

Echo came over later that evening, curling up on Bellamy's lap. Clarke tried to hold in her laugh as Octavia faked gagged. Although it wasn’t as funny when she started gagging for real and had to run to the bathroom throwing up her dinner. Bellamy followed her rubbing her back.

“Clarke, maybe you should go to the doctor, you’ve been throwing up all week,” he said. She looked up at him, “okay” she mumbled, “I’m sure it’s nothing though” she reassured grabbing his hand. He nodded his head and they sat together for a while on the bathroom floor. 

It didn’t click for her not until the next day as again she was heaving over the toilet, and then suddenly she realised. It all made sense, the throwing up, how exhausted she’d been. She was pregnant. Her period had never been that regular but now she thought about it, she perhaps hadn’t had a period in over a month. 

She didn’t know how to feel or think, before she really realised what she was doing she was out the house before anyone could stop her. She had to know for certain because there was a big chance it was just the stress of everything recently or maybe a bug. She grabbed a pregnancy test before stopping at KFC. Why she thought it was a good idea to take a pregnancy test in the KFC bathroom she wasn’t sure. But she knew she couldn’t do it at home, not at her moms and definitely not at Bellamy. It's not like she wanted to face Finn before she had to. She wasn’t even sure what he would say, she sure as hell wasn’t ready to be a mom, was Finn ready to be a father.

Two minutes had never felt longer in her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg sorry for this cliff hanger. 
> 
> What do we think is she pregnant? And how do you think people would react?
> 
> Kudos and comments makes my day. Let me know what you think and see you next Wednesday. ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> If you want to follow me on tumblr I’m @bellarkelover


	4. Impossible Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again from all your kudos and comments. 
> 
> I would say this chapter is one of my favourite, a lot of Bellarke moments. It’s also one of the longer chapters ❤️
> 
> As always let me know what you think and see you next Wednesday. 
> 
> If your trigged by anything especially to do with possible pregnancies check the end of the notes for warnings

Chapter 4- Impossible Choices

Bellamy woke feeling numb like he always did now, rolling over he saw Echo was still asleep. She didn’t live there now full time but she did stay over most nights. He should probably find comfort in her, but he didn’t, not overly anyway. Maybe he would in time once he’d fully grieved but right now he just wanted to curl up alone and drift off to sleep. 

But then he heard Clarke run to the bathroom, throwing up again. Logically he knew it was just a bug but he couldn’t help and worry that she was going to be taken away from him too. 

He hated how distant they had become in the last two years. He could count on one hand the amount of times they’d hugged before his mother’s death. He knew that he was the one that stepped back, he was the one that distanced the relationship but he had done it for her. Their relationship had been wrong, he was nearly 5 years older than her but he couldn’t help but miss her. He climbed out of bed ready to help her, hold her hair or whatever she needed but before he could get there, she was running down the stairs, door flying shut behind her.

“Hey where did you go?” Echo asked hugging him from behind, 

“I heard Clarke throwing up,”

“Right” Echo snapped, pulling away from him and stomping over to the kitchen. But really he didn’t give a shit, he was still worrying about Clarke. 

“Echo, what's the problem?” He asked, sitting on the stool watching her start to make pancakes 

“She’s a big girl Bellamy if she’s sick she can deal with it on her own”

It’s not like he didn’t know that, but he wanted to look after her. He didn’t get why Echo was so mad anyway, she had something against Clarke, always asking why she was sleeping over. Even though Clarke actually lived there for the first half of his relationship. 

“Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because your so close to her, we both know you would choose her over me any day”

“It’s not like that Echo, she’s my family.” He felt like he had to tell her this constantly. He liked Echo, maybe even loved her but she constantly put down Clarke and O. She never bothered trying to bond with them, and needed all his attention all of the time. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Clarke’s mind was racing, eventually the ding on her phone brought her out of her thoughts and she leant forward looking at the pregnancy test. 

Her heart was racing, she rushed out the bathroom and to the store again, picking up three more tests. She wasn’t sure what to do or where to go. Her mind was in overdrive. 

She was pregnant. 

Fuck. 

Her first thought was, how was she going to tell her mom that her 18 year old high school daughter is pregnant. She felt disappointed in herself, but it was worse thinking about how everyone else in her life would react. 

She knew she should tell her mom first, she didn’t want to tell Finn until she’d figured out her plan and what she wanted to do. Maybe she was just most worried about telling Finn, about potentially ruining his life. It hadn’t quite hit her yet, there was a baby growing in her. It was mad, almost overwhelming and she’d much rather curl up into a ball and cry. But she had to do something, tell someone. She couldn’t deal with this on her own. She was thankful her mom wasn’t working and as soon as she got in the door she collapsed in tears. 

“Clarke honey what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I’m pregnant”

“Your what” she spluttered, pulling away from her. Clarke took a shaky step back out of their embrace before following her mom into the living room. Sitting down in the armchair, head in her hands. She wasn’t really sure how she was expecting her mom to react, maybe scream.

“Well I think I am anyway” Clarke added quietly when the silence got too much. 

“How sure are you?” 

She could hear how mom's voice changed, suddenly it grew cold and clinical and she was like any other patient her mom ever had. 

“I took one test, I have others in my bag”

“Okay”

“Mom tell me everything will be okay,” she begged because maybe the most overwhelming feeling was fear, absolute fear, for her, the baby, everything. She needed reassurance. 

“We’ll sort everything out,” Her mom said quietly.

She knew what that meant. Reputation was always an important thing to her mom. Growing up she was dragged to various events always having to wear pretty pink dresses and making sure they never got dirty. She was sure a knocked up teenage daughter would not be good for Griffin’s name. Her mother walked her to the bathroom as if she was worried Clarke would sprint and maybe she would if she had anywhere to go. 

“Two minutes” she whispered quietly, unlocking the door to let her mom in. For the first time in years Abby sat on the floor next to her, grabbing her hand. 

“Did you do it correctly?” 

Clarke had to hold in her eye roll, she was pretty sure you couldn’t pee on a stick wrong. That took mighty skill. 

“Yes mom”

Her phone timer buzzed and Abby let go of her hand. She could feel it in her gut, she already knew the results but she leaned forward anyway. All three pregnancy tests of the various brands were positive.

“All positive.” she said quietly, wiping away her stray tear before turning to look at her mom. 

“I’ll book an appointment. We can have it done and dusted by next weekend and you can go on with your life.” With that Abby hightailed it out of the room, not waiting for Clarke’s response. 

Through the two and a bit hours she’d suspected her pregnancy she couldn’t lie she’d thought about how easy an abortion would be. She could forget this ever happened and never have to tell anyone. But it wasn’t just an illness she had that could be fixed, it was a tiny human being. She knew she didn’t want to make a snap decision. She couldn’t be that far along anyway which meant she had some time before she had to choose. Clarke knew her mother thought an abortion would be best for her and maybe it would be but she didn’t know yet, she had to at least tell Finn, didn’t she? 

“Mom I don’t know if I want that. I haven’t decided yet” 

Abby turned around staring in shock at her, 

“Clarke you have no choice, you're 18, you can’t raise a baby. Just let me sort this out for you”

“I need to think about it”

“I’m not letting you ruin your life.” 

Of course she would view it that way. It wasn’t the life Abby had expected her to have. Her plan had been to go to college and study medicine probably to be a doctor but her heart hadn’t been in that for a long time, it was more just to appease her mother. In truth she hadn’t even applied for colleges yet, however she’d looked at various art courses and thought maybe she’d like to pursue that in some way. Though God knows her mom wouldn’t like that. But she guessed a baby would throw a wrench in that plan too, could she really go to college with a child, did she want to? 

“Mom I’m 18 you can’t force me to have an abortion.” She snapped. 

“So what, you're going to be a highschool dropout, become a teen mom and do what with your life?” 

Her mom was being over dramatic and they both knew it. She only had two months left of high school so of course she was going to finish it. As for her life she wasn’t decided but she knew that she’d never just be a person contempt to sit around doing nothing. She wanted to make a difference to the world and she was determined to do that no matter what happened. Besides she wasn’t even saying that she wouldn’t get an abortion just that she needed some more time to think it through. It was probably the most logical choice but shouldn’t she get to decide that. 

“I don’t know mom. But I need to think and tell Finn”

“Clarke your having an abortion” 

“Mom you don’t get to decide” Clarke yelled. She grabbed the pregnancy tests stuffing them in her bag. 

“Then you can move out of my house, I’m not going to enable you to ruin your future. I’m serious I want you gone right away” 

She knew it was coming, when her mom disagreed she took drastic measures to ensure that she would be protected. Clarke wasn’t sure she wanted to stay anyway,especially not right now, 

“Fine”

“I hope it was worth it,” Abby shouted after her, slamming the door shut as Clarke stormed to her car. 

She managed to not breakdown until she’d pulled over a couple of roads over. She felt like she’d never cried so much. She should probably go and tell Finn but she didn’t think she had enough emotional strength. 

She hoped when Bellamy said that she could always move back home he meant it because otherwise she was homeless. What scared her more was having to tell him she was pregnant. He was probably going to be so mad, he would quite possibly kill her. She freaked herself out so much, she felt like she was ready to break. 

He must have heard her let herself in with the key because she only been sitting on the sofa for a couple of seconds before he walked in, “Hey Clarke” he said, giving her a smile, sitting down next to her on the sofa. 

She obviously wasn’t hiding it very well. 

“Hey what’s wrong Clarke?” 

She was so scared of telling him, maybe she could lie or tell him one of the other twenty things wrong in her life. But he would see right through her, he was always good at reading her. She shuffled away from him, so she was virtually curled in a ball at the far side of the sofa. 

“Bell promise you won’t be mad”

“Clarke what is it?” He asked, she could see how worried he was for her and if anything that made it worse, she didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. 

“Bellamy I’m pregnant” she said bursting into tears, he pulled back from her as if she burnt him. 

“What?”

“I’m so sorry Bellamy. I’m so scared and I didn't want to disappoint you. Please say you still love me and I. I don’t know what to do. All I’ve done is cry constantly since I found out and everything’s a mess. I’m only 18, I can't be a mother.” 

She crumbled into tears, looking up at him and then immediately back down not wanting to see the look on his face. When he didn’t say anything she carried on, 

“Speaking of mother’s she kicked me out the house because I won’t get an abortion without thinking it through. What’s Finn going to say? What’s everyone going to say? Bellamy please please please say something. Please” she begged half sobbing.

She couldn’t tell what he was thinking when he stared at her, she couldn’t take the silence, “Please Bellamy I didn’t know what to do. I have this massive choice and I. I. I’m so conflicted. I never meant to disappoint you.”

She carried on, she wasn’t even sure you could make out what she was saying anymore over the tears. 

“Clarke, match my breathing okay” He grabbed her hand, rubbing small circles with his thumb, “breathe in 1 2 3, good girl and out 1 2 3” 

Eventually she copied his breathing, her chest still heaving, as she caught her breath. “Clarke you could never disappoint me”

That only made Clarke start crying again, “look what happens when I say something nice huh?” He teased pulling Clarke into a hug. She huffed out a slight laugh pulling out of his arms to wipe away her tears. 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m only 18. I’m not sure I’m ready” 

“You just found out today?” he asked, grabbing her hand back wanting to comfort her in some way.

“Yeah this morning, now all my throwing up makes sense” she tried to force herself to laugh. 

“Yeah I guess it does.” He agreed quietly.

“Bellamy I’m so scared” she whispered. He turned to look at her. Tugging her so she was standing up and then led her upstairs to his bedroom. Confused, she sat on the bed while he rummaged through his draws until finally he handed her over a piece of paper, sitting down on the bed next to her. 

“I remember when you gave me this Clarke. It was about two months after your dad died. I told you I’d never seen someone be so brave, someone so strong. You’re still the strongest person I know Clarke Griffin, you can get through this. I promise I’ll help in whatever way I can” 

She leant her head down on his shoulder, tears dripping down her face, her thumb gently rubbed over the charcoal drawing. It was Clarke Bellamy and O, standing before her fathers casket. She remembered being so sad about her father, crying to Bellamy how she didn’t think she’d ever get through it or feel better. Bellamy had held her tight and promised her that she was strong enough. She was so thankful for him, that when she’d drawn the picture she gave it to him. They weren’t even friends at the time and it was probably the only picture she ever gave to him.

“I can’t believe you kept it,” she said, giving him a small smile as she watched him blush. 

“How do you feel about it?” 

He motioned down to her stomach, then instantly withdrawing his hand placing it in hers.

“I’m not sure, I’m exhausted though.”

“Well just saying I’m sure all your worries will still be there after you take a nap” he said teasing her slightly, 

“You're such an arse” She went to whack his arm but he caught her hand, tugging her down so she was laying on his bed. 

“Get some sleep princess, and we can sort everything out when you wake up” he said softly sitting down next to her. Clarke gave him a sleepy smile; it was the first time he’d called her Princess in two years. She moved slightly closer and rested her head against his legs. It felt nice being so close to him again. She’d missed him. She felt his hands running through her hair as she drifted off to sleep. Bellamy was right, her problems could wait until after a nap. 

When she awoke she could hear Bellamy talking outside his room.

“I can’t do this right now” he snapped, 

“Why because you have to look after _her_.” Echo asked, her voice dripping with anger.

Clarke knew maybe she should make her presence known or at least stop listening. 

“You always do this, run to her on her every beck and call”

“She needs me, and I want to look after her Echo.”

“Fine whatever the fuck you want” she shouted.

Clarke heard the door slam shut not long afterwards. When his bedroom door cracked open she shut her eyes again, trying not to smile when Bellamy sat back down next to her and started playing with her hair. She half opened one eye, and he gave her a smile,

“Hey sleepy head”

“Hey” she mumbled, sitting up against the headboard, before a wave of nausea overcame her and she ran to the bathroom. Before she could even start to call for him, Bellamy was there, quickly braiding back her hair and rubbing her back. 

“You're okay” he soothed, his hand the only thing grounding her and she grew more dizzy. 

“Hey have some water” 

He handed her a bottle of water, sitting back down on the floor next to her. 

After she was convinced she wasn’t going to throw up, they went downstairs and watched a couple of movies. They didn’t talk about anything serious but it felt a lot more normal than it had in years. Clarke rested her head on his shoulder and Bellamy teased her about being a crybaby when she cried at Titanic, “Maybe you're just a robot” she laughed, sticking her tongue out at him.

Eventually she turned off the movie looking up at him, “Mom kicked me out the house, I was really hoping I could move back in” 

Bellamy smiled at her, “of course you can”

“And I need to book a doctors appointment”

“You decided?” He asked she could tell he was trying to hide his shock, she smiled at him, “no but I think I should talk through all my options with my doctor “

“Right, that makes sense”

“Will you come with me?” She asked, as if he would ever say no to her.

“Yeah” he agreed immediately, like there was no other place he’d rather be. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Bellamy drove her back to her moms so she could get some of her things. Clarke realised Bellamy hadn’t actually said if he thought she should keep the baby but she knew he’d support her whatever she decided. 

“I need to tell Finn” 

She watched the way he tensed and glanced over at her. She probably wouldn’t ask Bellamy to come with her for that, less risk of someone getting injured and by that she meant Finn. 

“Probably” he admitted quietly, sighing as he parked the car. He didn’t even ask if she wanted him to come into her moms with her, they both knew she did. He grabbed her hand squeezing it in reassurance, 

“I’m going to be right here” 

She nodded her head at him once before she knocked on the door. Abby looked shocked to see her more so to see her with Bellamy. 

“I’ve come to get my stuff” she mumbled pushing past her mom and storming up the stairs, 

“You can’t be serious Clarke, you can’t have this baby” Abby shouted after her, Bellamy glaring at the back of her head. 

“Mrs Griffin, do you really think shouting at her is going to make much difference”

“Bellamy, do you really think having this baby is a good idea. She’s going to ruin her life. More than that she’s just 18 there’s no way she’d be a good mother.”

Bellamy watched Clarke appear at the top of the stairs, he could tell how hurt she was from her mother’s words. 

“If she decides to keep the baby, I have no doubt she’d be the best mom” 

Abby shook her head storming out the hallway. Clarke gave him a small smile, pulling him into a hug when she got to the bottom of the stairs, “did you really mean that” she whispered.

“Of course I did, you’d be a great mom. But I won’t blame you either if you don’t want to have this baby”

“Thanks Bell.” 

They walked out to the car hand in hand, Bellamy asking what she wanted for dinner. Of course she chose brownies and ice cream. He laughed remembering that was exactly what she asked for the first time she got her period. Clarke waited in the car while he shopped. Her mind was in overdrive but right now she just wanted to turn her mind off. Bellamy seemed to get the message as soon as he got back into the car, he started talking about his job and then a movie he’d watched. She was glad he was carrying the conversation, because she was so exhausted. He cooked her some pizza, and she asked him not to tell anyone especially O until she decided what to do which he agreed to easily. 

O got home not long afterwards excited that Clarke was there and probably even more excited that Echo wasn’t. They ate far too much ice cream and brownies as they binged Friends for hours on end. It felt good laughing and joking, not having to worry about anything. 

She must have fallen asleep pretty early on the sofa, because next thing she knew Bellamy was carrying up the stairs, laughing at her as she tried to chastise him, “Your not that heavy yet princess” he laughed, placing her gently on the bed. 

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” She asked. She knew maybe she shouldn’t want the comfort, but she felt like she needed his security. He smiled at her slipping into bed beside her. He sat up, stroking her back and whispering promises into her ear. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Bellamy heard the door open and shut, and when he finally finished his essay for community college that he’d been taking online he walked downstairs. He was mildly surprised to see Clarke perched on one end of the sofa visibly upset. 

“Hey what’s wrong Clarke?” 

He could see how scared she was, which made him afraid, what was she so scared of telling him. All he could think was maybe she was leaving or worse moving in with Finn or something.

“I’m pregnant”

Each word filled his brain but he couldn’t seem to string any sentences together. Then suddenly it hit him like a 

brick, Clarke was pregnant. He was so shocked he couldn’t quite respond straight away. 

“What?” He spluttered 

“I’m so sorry Bellamy. I’m so scared and I didn't want to disappoint you. Please say you still love me and I. I don’t know what to do. All I’ve done is cry constantly since I found out and everything’s a mess. I’m only 18, I can't be a mother. Speaking of mother’s she kicked me out the house because I won’t get an abortion without thinking it through. What’s Finn going to say? What’s everyone going to say? Bellamy please please please say something. Please” 

Bellamy half zoned out but he could tell how she was starting to have a panic attack,

“Clarke, match my breathing okay” He grabbed her hand, rubbing small circles with his thumb, “breathe in 1 2 3, good girl and out 1 2 3” 

“Clarke you could never disappoint me,” he reiterated, leaning forward slightly so his head rested on top of her.That only made Clarke start crying again, “look what happens when I say something nice huh?” He teased pulling Clarke into a hug. She huffed out a slight laugh pulling out of his arms to wipe away her tears. 

What broke his heart was when she turned to him and whispered. “Bellamy I’m so scared” She was so brave, so strong and he didn’t think there was anything she couldn’t get through. 

He gently stroked her hair until she fell asleep. He found it hard to believe that she could be growing a whole human inside of her. He almost felt guilty when he laid down beside her. He didn’t hear Echo when she entered the house but he sure as hell heard her throw open the door. 

Bellamy glanced back down at Clarke, miming a finger over his lips as he stepped out for bed, following Echo out into the hallway. 

“Hey Echo” he said, leaning in to kiss her, but she backed away. 

“Hey?” 

“What do you want me to say?” He asked, trying to give her a small smile.

“Clarke’s in your bed”

“Yeah she was sick. I was just reading”

“Why is she in your bed?” She asked, her face hard and angry. Bellamy knew Echo never really got along with Clarke but he just didn’t understand why. Not to sound cocky or anything because they both loved him, which meant they at least had something in common. He knew Clarke had moved out because of her, he just didn’t understand what had happened. 

“I can’t do this right now” he snapped, 

“Why because you have to look after _her_ ” Echo asked her voice dripping with anger. “You always do this, run to her on her every beck and call”

“She needs me, and I want to look after her Echo.”

“Fine whatever the fuck you want” she shouted. The door slammed shut afterwards. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


He awoke with a start, walking towards Clarke's bedroom, he could see her toss and turn, moaning out in pain. Her whole body was shaking and her face even in sleep was crumpled in hurt. 

“Clarke, wake up. It's just a nightmare,” he whispered quietly, shaking her awake gently. Her eyes darted around the room before it finally focused on him, her chest still heaving. 

“Bell”

“I’m right here,” 

He tugged her onto his lap, letting her bury her head against his chest, gently rubbing her back. Eventually she fell asleep again soothed by his presence,his arms wrapped around her whispering softly. 

When she awoke a second time, his warmth made her feel safe. She wasn’t scared of the day or the choices she’d have to make, she was contempt to stay wrapped up in his arms. 

“Morning” he whispered, leaning up to kiss her forehead. Then seemingly shocked by his own actions. That’s not what you do with a casual friend, or sibling when you wake up. No, that’s what you do with a girlfriend, with a lover. 

“Good m..” she couldn’t get the rest of her sentence out instead pulling away from him, and running to the bathroom. Thankfully Octavia was a deep sleeper or she’d probably caught on by now. It’s not that she wanted to lie to her best friend just more so that she didn’t want to tell her without knowing what she wanted. It was different with Bellamy, maybe because he was older and she therefore assumed just more knowledgeable. Maybe it was just more so that they’d been so distant in the past two years, she didn’t have to worry about upsetting him or ruining their relationship because up until yesterday she didn’t think it could get much worse. 

Bellamy was waiting outside the door with some water for her and a small smile, “I’m going to make some breakfast, you coming?” 

Clarke sat on the barstool stealing bacon of his plate, 

“Hey, hands off.”

“I’m eating for two” she said with a laugh before realising what she’d said, she openly addressed her pregnancy, in a positive light without even thinking. 

“Fine fine” he laughed, giving her an easy smile. 

Bellamy's cooking was always good, but what she liked most was the easy banter they always had at the breakfast table. 

Octavia flew down the stairs. She was up early, normally she slept in way past lunch time. She plonked down next to Clarke grabbing some of the spare food. As quickly as she appeared she was gone again, shouting that she was meeting with a friend and making the most of the week of holidays they high had off of school. 

“So what’s your plan for the day?” He asked, washing up both of the plates and the pans. 

“I need to talk to Finn and my hospital appointment is at 4. I know your probably working so it’s fine if you can’t come”

“Hey I promised you I’d be there, and I want to as well. Besides I’ve got the day off anyway”

Clarke smiled at him, “Thankyou, would you be able to drop me off at Finns then?”

“Sure”

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


She wasn’t sure how Finn was going to react. God she’d been a mess and what 18 year old wanted the responsibility of a child. Bellamy drove her over just after lunch. He said he would wait outside, and she could just text her if everything went okay and she wanted to stay. 

“If you need anything I’m right here”

“Thanks Bell” 

Honestly with each shaky step towards the door she thought perhaps that she should just turn around and deal with him another day. But she had to know what he thought before her doctor's appointment that afternoon. Obviously it was still different seeing as she was in a relationship with Finn. She loved him but they’d only been together for three months. 

“Hey baby” Finn answered the door, kissing her cheek. 

“Hey, can we talk?” She asked, trying to keep her voice steady, as she followed him inside. 

“Finn I’m not sure how to tell you this,” 

“Clarke what is it?” 

She took in a deep breath, she just had to do it. She counted down from three, wiped away her stray tear and looked up into his eyes,

“Finn I’m pregnant”

His eyes dropped down to his stomach, staring at it intensely as if he would be able to see the evidence. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, 4 positive pregnancy test” she said quietly, 

“Right” he mumbled, falling into the chair, head in his hands. He looked up again and she could tell how scared he was. “I’m not ready to be a dad”

“Not exactly like I’m prepared to be a mother” she snapped, 

“Are you sure it’s mine?” He asked, his voice angry. Not as angry as she felt, of course it was fucking his. He took her virginity three months ago, what did he think she’d immediately started sleeping around. 

“Seeing as your the only one ever slept with I’m going to say yes” 

“We wore a condom every time” he shouted back walking quickly to her. She stood up so they were basically chest to chest.

“We both know they’re not 100% effective”

“What do you want me to do?” He asked annoyed. 

“We’re both responsible Finn. I wanted us to work out the plan together.”

She must have looked shocked when he snorted, but damn it she was. Why was this all her responsibility? 

“Get rid of it” 

“What?”

“Well we can’t look after a baby, and we don’t want it either so abort it”

Now Clarke had been thinking about it for sometime and she knew the obvious choice was to have an abortion but when he worded it like that, she felt the instant need to protect the child growing within her. 

“Finn I’m not sure I want to do that.”

“Well I don’t want to have a child. What would it mean for our relationship? I still want to be with you Clarke?” He said softer now, he took a step towards Clarke but she backed away. She didn’t want to be close to him right now. 

“I can’t think about that right now. I have to focus on the pregnancy”

“You can’t be serious Clarke. You can’t raise a baby. I’m sure as hell not going to. For all I know it’s not even mine” 

Clarke saw blind rage. What was with all the bloody slut shaming, she turned on her heels and half sprinted out the door. Relieved to see Bellamy hadn’t left, she didn’t even realise that Finn was following her. She was opening the door as Finn's hand grabbed her wrist, spinning her around and pinning her against the car.

“Like you said. This is 50% my problem”

“Yeah” she squeaked out.

“I don’t want you to have this baby. If you do I’m having nothing to do with it.” He spat. His whole body pressed against hers. She could have taken him, probably fairly easily but she was so shocked and too stunned to do anything. 

“Get the hell off her” Bellamy shouted, ripping Finn off her. Punching him square in the face. Finn whimpered in pain grabbing his nose as he staggered backwards. 

“Clarke get in the car” 

“Don’t call me.” she snapped at Finn who was watching her, his eyes wide in surprise as she climbed into Bellamy's car. 

She tried to hold it in but her emotions were overwhelming and she burst into tears, staring out the window. Bellamy drove them home silently not knowing what to say.

“Clarke I’m really sorry” he whispered reaching out but he seemed to think better of it at the last second and pulled his hand back resting it on his legs. 

“It’s fine” 

“You're obviously annoyed at me” he said quieter but he sounded so vulnerable, maybe more open than he’d ever been to her before. 

“Bell it’s not you. It’s just so hard. All of this is just so hard and I’m trying to work out what to do and everyone’s telling me to have an abortion and I just don’t think I can. Maybe adoption I don’t know, I just wish I had someone on my side”

He looked at her with a small sad smile, he reached over and grabbed her hand. “I’m always on your side Clarke, whatever you decide I’ll help you” 

“Why?”

Bellamy looked at her confused, 

“Why are you on my side? Why aren’t you mad at me? Everyone else is pushing me to have an abortion, why aren’t you?” 

His hand lifted up to cradle her cheek, wiping away the tears that were falling. 

“You're my family, always. I’m not mad at you because it could have happened to anyone, mistakes are mistakes for a reason, you didn’t do this on purpose.” 

She nodded her head allowing him to lead her insides, and they sat on the sofa together, Clarke’s head resting on Bellamy's shoulder. 

“My mom was 18 when she had me. Her life was hard right from the start, but I knew she loved me. When I was 18 I asked her if she ever regretted it and she looked at me and took my hands. I knew what she was going to say already. She was crying softly and she whispered that sometimes yes. When I was a baby and she was struggling to feed me, or when I was cold and hungry but never because she didn’t love me. She said that I saved her life, and she loved me and O more than anything but sometimes she knew it would have been better for me if I was never born. But I was always so thankful to her for taking that risk. It must have been so scary for her but she chose to give me life and I wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. I would never tell you to abort the baby if your even had a tiny bit unsure but I’d also never want you to think that I’d judge you if you didn’t have this baby”

“I’m thankful that she choose to have you, I don’t know where I’d be without you Bell”

“Probably hungry, seeing as you can’t cook for shit” he teased, as she whacked his arm but she already had a small smile on her face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- Talks of abortion
> 
> There we have it. I’m pretty sure you all knew she was pregnant anyway but there you go. However will she keep the baby? They talk to the doctor and her options. ❤️❤️
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day. Let me know what you think of this chapter and what you think is going to happen. I’ll respond to all comments as quick as possible, and see you next Wednesday ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> That’s a wrap for Chp 1, thanks for reading and let me know what you think. 
> 
> I’m going to try to respond to all the comments pretty quickly. 
> 
> Baby Clarke was my absolute favourite to write. 
> 
> See you all next Wednesday ❤️
> 
> Come hangout with me on tumblr which I’m very new and bad at, I posted one of my mood boards ❤️ @bellarkelover


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